A man was left “devastated” after finding out his wife had lied to him about their unborn baby’s gender. However, the internet seems to be taking her side.
In a viral Reddit post shared to the popular r/AmItheA**hole forum, user u/Leading_Gene4976 questioned whether he overreacted after learning that his wife was having a baby girl, instead of a boy. The 32-year-old man explained that he had a “tumultuous” childhood and “always craved a strong male figure” growing up. “I never had that bond with my father and always envisioned having it with a son,” he wrote. “My wife was aware of this deep-rooted desire.”
The husband shared that he missed his wife’s initial pregnancy appointments because he was often away on business trips. “These trips, though draining, are critical since I’m the only breadwinner, trying to ensure a different life for my child than I had,” he added.
While he was away, his mother-in-law attended check-ups with his wife – who “excitedly” told him they were expecting a boy. “We invested emotionally and financially: a blue nursery, boy-themed items, even naming him after my late grandfather,” the husband said.
However, that all came crashing down when his wife’s mother accidentally let slip that they were having a girl. “My wife admitted she knew from the beginning but didn’t tell me, thinking she was protecting my feelings. I was devastated, feeling the weight of past hurts and fresh betrayals,” he explained. “In my pain, I cleared out the nursery and, in a moment I regret, told her mother she wasn’t welcome at upcoming family events, seeing her as part of the deceit.”
His outrage towards his mother-in-law prompted him to seek advice in the subreddit, where he admitted that he “acted out of deep-seated emotions and past traumas”. While the husband shared that he “regrets” lashing out, that didn’t stop more than 6,400 Reddit users from criticising him for his overreaction.
“You very much did overreact in clearing out the nursery and disinviting her mother from coming over. This reaction is crazy and you talking about this pain and devastation surrounding having a girl is probably the reason she was afraid to tell you,” read the top comment. “She probably wants to be excited about this child and didn’t want to deal with you acting like it’s something devastating that it’s a girl.”
“The fact that men are often disappointed by our very existence as women, even in utero, continues to highlight society’s s****y view of women. Sorry we exist? Sorry you think you can’t live out your Field of Dreams fantasies with us?” wrote another user. “She shouldn’t have lied, but it’s quite clear why she did.”
Others believed that he was “projecting” his own expectations from his unhappy childhood onto his unborn child. “Also, you are projecting wayyyy too much on an unborn child,” added someone else. “What if you did have a boy, but he wasn’t as interested in this intense father-son relationship that you are craving? Can any real life father-son relationship actually even live up to the one in your head that is supposed to heal your past wounds?”
Many people also called out the soon-to-be father for preferring his baby to be one gender over the other, rather than accepting his child for however they choose to identify. “If you’re not prepared to love a child regardless of gender identity, sexuality, their mental and physical health, you’re not ready to have a child,” commented one viewer.
“Why would you pack up the nursery? You’re still having a baby. That baby will still need all the things in that nursery,” someone else wrote. “Maybe this is a good chance for you to reconsider your attitudes on sex and gender – because, spoiler alert, the baby doesn’t care what colour their clothes and blankets are.”
In response to the backlash, the husband clarified that he would’ve “come to terms with it over time and embraced the idea of having a daughter”.
“My main issue isn’t about the gender but the deception involved. I just wish [my wife] had been upfront with me from the beginning,” he explained. “Our soon to be daughter is everything to me. If we decide on more kids, there might be a part of me that’s quietly hoping for a boy,” he replied to someone else.
This isn’t the first time a husband has been called out for his less than thrilled reaction to having a baby girl. In 2021, a viral TikTok video showed an expectant father standing alongside his wife and infant daughter as they popped a black balloon, which revealed several smaller pink balloons inside – indicating they were having a girl. However, he was criticised for his disappointed reaction to having another daughter.
“Don’t worry. Your daughter won’t want you either,” one person wrote, while another person commented: “His daughter is going to be heartbroken when she sees this when she is older. Whatever biased opinions should disappear when you are having children.”